Hope Springs Eternal.

Dear Matt,


I hate waking up in the morning and not having you here.  I know that would happen before, as you had work at ungodly hours (well for me anyways) but its different now.  You are not here by choice.  You no longer want to share my bed and wake up next to me for the rest of your life like we planned.


I am leaving your top two drawers open just in case.  You know, the drawers I cleaned out for you when I asked you to move in and you shot me down. Ya, those drawers. Even though I know you are gone and don't want to to come back and don't want to even talk to me, I still hold out hope.  Hope springs eternal right?  


I just wish I could talk to you, make you understand how much you mean to me and how much I know I still mean to you.  You are the reason I turned my life around; you are the reason I stopped making bad decisions and started doing things right.  You believed in me with an unfailing passion that took me by surprise, because no had cared that much before and probably no one ever will again.  You loved me so fiercely it was scary.  You knew for sure that I was the one, that there was no one else.  But how did you know?  Your certainty took me by surprise and instead of embracing it, I ran the other way, creating distance and pushing you away through various bad behavior.  I didn't realize until it was too late that I love you just as fiercely as you loved me.  And I do want the same things that you do; all of them.  But now your gone, and my confidence gone with you.  


How do I get it back?  How do I get you back?

Je t'aime,
E.